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tuesday | november 13 | 2007 back from los angeles - working on new project in music industry - nice to have a break from all the neighborhood tech stuff. the back and forth from the two cities takes its toll though - not a huge LA fan - love my foggy cold gray city. i saw jens lekman on friday at bimbos show and it was F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S. one of my top five shows ever, if you get a chance to see him, please do, he will make you smile and dance and it will be completely out of your control. and for the record i am not a public dancing - clapping yahoo - i am the stoic maybe swaying to and fro shoe gazing kind of participant. on the weight front - holding firm - not really losing not gaining which is good because i have really lacked a daily-weekly sense of structure. i swear that i really am ready to start the exercise thing now - so off to the gym i go this week. due to my travel schedule this month i put group on hold for month of november - i needed the break. sometimes i felt like group was like confession - not being catholic - its what i assume confession feels like - that daily calculation of sins committed totally up to one day of shame and testimony only to have it start all over again the next day for another seven days. i am liking the break - getting a chance to really question myself and my motives. got my hair done last friday as well - not super loving it - too dark and she ended up covering up all my funky highlites - don't really have the energy to go back in and have her add them back in - you know what i'm talking about that automatic 2 hour thing it takes to get anything done to ones hair. so i'll get out my clip in extensions or something until my next appt. oh so lazy am i! got kathy griffin tickets for dec 1 - hoping the show is good - she's playing right across the street from my flat so getting to the show suits my lazy ass. got tickets for the late show - here's to late show + alchohol + kathys rowdy gays on a saturday night = good time! wednesday | october 17 | 2007 just working a ton these days - unlike some people who find begging for money more appealing then getting off their ass and working - taking a second job if they have to - to pay for their own finacial mess ups - leave the begging and handouts to the homeless and those truly worthy of charity. tuesday | september 25 | 2007 yo happy birthday to me! birthday month has been splendid - so many fine moments and gifts. tonight we dine at green's which is the vegetarian mecca and every none veggie i have taken there swears it's the best meal they have ever had so it's more that sprouts and tofu. amazon kind of screwed many a gifts from arriving so it looks like birthday month may just have to last a bit longer. no i just need the weather to get a bit more fall like and i'll be in heaven.
wanted the whole week off but looks like i will have work for the next week or so starting tomorrow- never thought i would be this busy but can't say no when you are freelance so i'll quit the whinning. tuesday | september 4 | 2007
the paul smith ottoman i have been drooling at for awhile now - finally went on sale over at anthropolgie. i have wanted to pair this up with our paul mccobb lounge chair ever since we got the chair. the chair is this really incredible cross between a blue and purple - similar to a reflex blue on the pantone chart. i've been watching ebay paul mccobb items looking for some kind of matching ottoman or stool and these popped up this weekend.
paul smith has rugs here and my god i would just die if i could ever afford to buy this vivienne westwood rug and cushions. i've never price inquired but i would guess nothing less then five grand as a starting price and probably closer to 10. came across this place as well - why is everything i adore only come from the motherland?? thursday | august 30 | 2007 wow what a difference a day does make. i feel back to normal after having one whoozy of a day yesterday - bad fights with the hubby, bad body issues, bad diet. but today i feel like a new person - back on plan, getting my hair styled today - just feel level again. i walked outside last night and it literally smelled like shit - horse shit, cow shit, homeless guy shit. i walked to the corner store and kept thinking i was insane so i didn't say anything to anyone but when i checked online later that night i noticed a story on the sfgate that they were having chemical issues at some waste treament plant on the other side of the city and sure enough combined with the heat wave action going on this week the air was plan du poo! today of course no mention in this mornings edition of sf gate and i have yet to go outside but i'm thinking the stink bomb is over. real exciting stuff - not much else going on - just waiting to get paid for all this summers hard work - cause right now i am flat broke. show me the money people! wednesday | august 29 | 2007 angry angry angry - it's my time o month - let's celebrate. just feel really yucky and angry. i know it will all blow over in 24hrs but damn it's a bitch today. and i have group tonight and the week started off really well, dropping a couple pounds but then right before the aunt showed up - i just indulged in whatever i wanted and kind of blew it and now it's payback time and weigh in. and and and. just trying to get through today. it's hot out and they are forever build and rebuilding shit outside my window so there is rarely a quiet moment around here - so i have to have all the windows shut - feels like an airless cage right now. tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow, just get to tomorrow. i have a hair appointment so at least i'll look good tomorrow even if i still feel the residual sting of tonight's weigh in - bugger off for now! sunday | august 26 | 2007
yikes it's been awhile! the seating warming job lead to another and then another and let's just say my summer of quiet rest and relaxation has not shown up yet. i believe it starts this week - we'll see... my weight has stabilized at a twenty pound loss but i am refocusing and going for another. september is birthday month and my actual birthday is at the end of the month, the 25th (see we are actually evil twins separated at birth) and so a gift to my self would be another 10 to 20 pounds shipped off forever. i am going to start getting my ass into the gym as well. there is a distinct possibility of a job offer in my future to become the creative director of a magazine. it all has to do with timing and whether the current CD connects with another client of mine and makes the jump. i am not thrilled about the possibility of going back to a full time job but there are plenty of positives to ponder: i really like the core group of people that work there, i really like the field of interest the magazine covers (yay no more high tech clients!), a new direction for me to grow in, connect, network. i do well with structure, it's in the fucking city - no real commute, i could ride my scooter to work or even walk, the embarcadero Y is right down the street so routine gym time would be easy and the usual perks, pay check, benefits, etc... - if nothing comes of it, i'll be good to enjoy another wonderful holiday season of making skully cakes and christmas tree villages.
can i just add - flight of the concords - hmmm yummy and jens you are scrummy as well - can't wait to see him in november, already got me tickets! friday | june 15 | 2007 work has been hell - will tell later. what i really want to write about is some stuff learned at group. this is how the body functions - your body burns 300 calories every few hours just to stay alive- you put fuel in about 300 calories every few hours and it will burn it and then want it again. if you do not put fuel in every couple of hours and you wait until say one or two meals only that day*- then it will only take that 300 calories say from a 1200 calorie meal and the rest goes into fat storage - period. things that help burn up the extra calories are metabolism. your metabolism can be bolstered by exercise and muscle mass. 1 pound of muscle burns 35-65 calories so hello just look at the simple simple math here - more muscle - the more your body metabolizes - the more fat the less it does. oh my god it really is that fucking simple. you really have the power to change your body by fueling more often and by exchanging your fat weight in for muscle weight. no denying that every body will function slightly different but to not be able to change how your body metabolizes is absolute bullshit and self denial. even on the low end of metabolism exchange - your muscle will always burn more then that 2 calories that every pound of fat will. so the truth is out there - eat often, small amounts every 2-3 hours, exercise to increase muscle mass and surprise you will lose weight and yes be more healthy. * this is why individuals who say they only eat once a day will be fatter than the people who appear to eat all the time - if you only put fuel in your car once a day and that car can only burn 300 gas calories before it stops running, then you will be pushing a mighty heavy load around all day to get from place to place. stop it and just fuel up every few hours and you'll get to your destination a lot easier. wednesday | june 6 | 2007 group session day - i hate that we always have to weigh in at night. it's when i feel the heaviest and even though it is a consistent time for a weekly weigh-in, i don't trust it. my body has this ability to be so thin and light in the morning and then swing back over by five pounds by evening. plus i am approaching that time of month and absolutely nothing can be trusted then. body of work had a great entry today about summer and hot weather and the torture it brings to some of us about exposing our hams and rolls. i sort of remember living in a beach community and wearing fabulous sun dresses, little tops and even bikinis. how great it felt to have your skin warmed by the sun - but that was a long long time ago. i am so embarrassed now by my arms and shoulders - i feel like such a lump of dough and feel so completely overshadowed by pangs of insecurity when i attempt to wear THOSE kinds of clothes. san francisco provides a great relief (otherwise known as cold enough to stay in crew neck sweaters and jeans) most of the year if one does not venture out of the foggy banked in city, but sometimes i really miss that feeling you get when you can just throw on a great summer dress and head out without the shrug and without a care. tuesday | june 5 | 2007 trying to get back into the swing of working after having over a month off - not doing it very well. just keep procrastinating, surfing the web, organizing sock drawers - anything else then actual work. kind of a sad sack! feel the same way about exercising - why is it so difficult to just dedicate a given time to go to the gym or down to crissy field for a couple mile walk? sometimes i just barracade myself in this house and forget to get out. i think going and working onsite for the next couple weeks will help break that habit. i plan on taking the train for most of it and thats 2 miles to the office and 2 miles back to the train station that i will need to walk everyday. monday | june 4 | 2007 best not get excited about anything anymore - then you won't suffer the let downs that come with the workup. mid century - art deco expo was just ok - nothing knocked my socks off and so much is overpriced as well. it was better this way - i didn't end up blowing too much money there. i picked up this super cute italian lamp - i don't really know too much about it but he is adorable and needs a name…
i highly recommend this site for amazing clothes - especially skirts as i am a huge skirt ho. they have xl and xxl sizes additionally and basically custom make the job to order. i bought a couple skirts at a local store and then looked them up on the web. their xl fit a 14-16 i would say - unless you have a huge butt and then you might have difficulty getting it over the caboose - if that be the case i would suggest the xxl. ordering the xx'x always makes me feel like such a cow - but their clothes are so unique and beautiful, it's worth the bit of shame i feel when i can slip one of these pretty frocks on. yes they are a bit pricey - but really i think it's worth every penny to not have to wear some ugly, ill fitting, plus size garment made out of polyester. i would rather have a couple of these skirts then a closet full of stuff from the mall!
i'm under 200 now - yeah yeah yeah. i do not want to return there again. i've been catching some old reruns of the biggest loser and although i hate the name of the show - i do like to see the transformation people achieve both during and after the show. exercise can really be a beautiful thing when you think about how this self generated activity can actually sculpt you a new body. weight room here i come.
i painfully have updated the archives back through 2004 - i am blogger clueless and i actually create this entire site and archives by scratch, when will i ever get with the program. entries prior to that - back through 2001- are so deeply archived i don't think they will surface again until michigan frog gives an encore. enjoy! friday | june 1| 2007 well reading the previous entry - guess i am over the ANGER. things are going splendidly - down about 13lbs. feels really really good. i like that all my clothes fit just right - that i don't have to struggle with what choice i may or may not have for the day. next comes the exercise - urgh! tomorrow is the mid century - art deco furniture expo and i am beyond excited. we found a beautiful - original upholstered paul mccobb chair last week - so we are looking for some kind of ottoman to go with it. we also ordered a reproduction 30's club chair for upstairs. extra squishy and beautiful cigar colored leather. i'm not crazy at all about leather furniture - but i love the funky french apartment feel our place has now. these books are a huge inspiration for styling our place - lots of color, texture and warmth. it's a combination of vintage collections and classic mid-century pieces. i'm getting the urge to paint the main wall a deep orche-yellow as well - i promise pixs one day!
tuesday | may 15 | 2007 i am so angry - just angry - frustrated and angry and none of this is helping me stay on course. i went out for most of the day yesterday - down to union square. i went too long without eating (1 double shake in the morning). spent day browsing and pseudo shopping. bad move - shops are not good places to be when you have only accomplished a 5lb loss. did i really think 5lbs would suddenly make sizes fit right or even exists on the racks? why or why does the pedestrian world hate women over size 10 - why? then i came home and went out for sushi. i actually wasn't blowing it - no rice or carbs, just sashimi, salad with rice vinegar and some edamame and then i came home and just got angry still - had 2 sugar free jello cups and some dark chocolate dipped in peanut butter. wtf! and that damn fucking 2 year old upstairs won't stop running - it's like he is pounding nails into the floorboards with his feet and he runs alot and i hate him and it's just so irrational to want to do battle with a 2 year old. and now one of my best friends will be here in town with her husband and child in tow and want to spend the day tomorrow and it's just not a good day for me. i have to check every night to see if i have jury duty and i'm betting i may and we have annual cat exam appts tomorrow and most important i do not want to skip group. this is my day of accountability and it is also the day i buy my shakes for the week and i am just so fucking angry because i do not want to skip it. and i'm selfish and i don't know what to do for the day while she is here. in the old days it would be drinking margaritas hanging out but now things are different and i've got no clue and i am really resenting having to go off plan once again to accommodate the situation. and lastly i hate these hams that are attached to my arms - they gross me out. monday | may 14 | 2007 my weight is holding steady - no loss, no gain, but i definitely feel the pms bloat and malaise. last night was my first group session, i could only make the one-on-one with patti last week. 4 people, two of which i knew from group two years ago. one of the newer ones seems like a hip woman, both the women in group have kids, so there is a certain amount of the blah blah kid talk. the focus was on keeping our arteries clean and what happens when inflammation takes over (not pretty) and how to incorporate a diet full of antioxidants. the microwave popcorn thing has been nearly every night and i need to stop it. i'm pretty sure it's the pms craving talking and it's not sabotaging everything - it's just if i follow plan 100% i will see 100% results and that in the end is what i want. for every night i do the popcorn thing, i feel like i've taken a step backwards or rather not able to take a step forward towards goal-land. i really want this, i need it, i don't want my insides to corrode and oxidize, i want a body that works and one that works at a smaller volume. i want to wear fantastic clothes, easy clothes that actually bare arms. not clothes that i have to fight with to close, zip, cover. i want to look at my self in a passing window or mirror and not shudder. i am completely reflection phobic when i'm fat. it's just i don't recognize that person, it's not who i see myself as and when she appears - i'm startled and feel very disconnected with the image of who i believe i am. i work in a very image conscious industry and whether i think it's fair or not, i'm am treated differently when i weigh less. i need that validation as a professional. i am not out here to win the war of acceptance of fat people - because i know inside i don't accept it. i do not promote or desire the hollywood picture of how thin you need to be - but i don't like what carrying around an abundance of weight means. it means pain, shame, stuffing down emotions, frustration - i honestly do not associate positive living with being overweight. maybe if i knew beth ditto personally, she could change my mind and rock my world at the same time, but i am walking the walk of a fat girl and that's what i got to go on. no disrespect to the self-acceptance crew out there - i read your blogs, i hear you, i just don't feel compelled to accept my state of being as the best thing for me.
tuesday | may 8 | 2007
more obsessions. i saw this rug the other night in person - amazing! it has inspired me to do an ikea hack on one of the old chairs that needs replacing (chair envy - see below). we tore chair apart and put castors on cushion seat to create rolling ottoman. and now i am attempting to cover it with hundreds of hand cut felt pieces. will try to document and post when finished - what in the year 2010 with all those hand cuts and hand sewing to finishing.
on the diet front - 2lbs back down. like i said pms launch week - so just trying to stay the course. i had popcorn again last night - i've been reading linda spangles book, life is hard, food is easy. i think it's every therapist's bible for food issues - i like some of it like the bits that help me identify the why and whats of my choices. but creating a literal ceremony where i am throwing away or breaking the stick i beat myself with metaphorically is just corny. i'm not a big role player or ceremony person. hell i never wanted to be "a bride" and avoided a wedding at all cost. snapping a twig just ain't gonna do it. the popcorn for me is a head hunger - which totally relates to anger and stress and makes sense why at the end of a day my choices are for something i can grind and crunch and chew away all the frustrations with. the part i'm stuck on is what to do - yes i can identify the type of hunger and yes i can pinpoint the why - but i have not found the solution to pacifying these urges other than crunching away at something. and sitting watching the last harry potter movie and hanging on the counch is not the time where i feel like walking it off or soaking in the tub. anyone got some suggestions out there? monday | may 7 | 2007 i moved away from sunny sunny southern california to - yes - get away from the fucking sun - so all we have had this weekend and forecasted for the week is sun. not that pretty glistening off the bay while still maintaining that crisp snap of cold sun that i like - no it's that flat, no breeze, pounding make me sweat like i'm being rendered alive sun. i know i am one of the few outside of the goth community that just hates the sun - i love my gray, windy, foggy san francisco weather. so sun, just fuck off, ok! the weekend brought two things out in me that were not good.
1) we went here - limn which is the mecca here in sf for high design. i now covet this B&B italia chair and am rationalizing which body part i can live without to purchase said chair.
the point being what kind of person - trying to be conscious of not spending money foolishly covets spending nearly 3 grand on a chair and ottoman? the rational is - it's a design classic and the quality is italian people - fashion and furniture - are subjects italians take very very seriously and would never make anything but the best. we have taken an oath to get rid of all ikea furniture and only replace with classics and the lounge chairs we have are some of the last pieces to go - but shit 3k - and i really really need a new computer. and said computer tops over 4k. life is not cheap. 2) i had a bag of microwave popcorn (240 calories) in lieu of my dinner shake and then demanded we get sushi after that. deed done. oh and because it was so fucking hot at 8 o'clock at night and i had to walk up 4 blocks of san francisco hills- we had to stop and get a pint of ciao bella mango sorbet which i medically was required to inhale in order to cool my body temperature down to normal. seriously it was a medical emergency. i am in my pms week. this does not help decision making. i started to lose since thursday - 2lbs but now due to eating last night and bodys unwillingness to stop hoarding water - i am back at start point. i just need to hold fast this week, stay on track and i think i would see a large loss at next weeks session. see silver lining. thursday i have a get together with the old design crew from former prison block. i intend to order salad only but i've been told that the pizza is so good at this place. damn it, why are so many fucking social things locked into food part-taking and why does a compromise like ordering a salad make you draw attention to oneself. this is the part of dieting i hate - all the compromise and having to explain yourself. i'm gonna just say i hate pizza. it's only a half lie, cuz i do hate most pizza unless it's really good and not too much cheese. melted pizza cheese is like a giant blob of mucus - thus the detraction - quite a visual for ya! i'm cranky today - it's monday and sweltering outside so i'm signing off to soak in a cold tub. thursday | may 3 | 2007 i saw patti yesterday - it was really good to see her. she is one of the best council - therapist - nutritionist ever. she combines so much in both our one-on-one and group sessions. it's that kind of therapy so many of us want - we talk about food - we also talk about emotions - we talk about understanding and coping options. we don't harp on mothers and fathers that have done us wrong and a bunch of psycho babble and i like that. i know it's not the food's fault - but it feels good to be in a support group where you can really discuss your relationship with food and discover meaning and ways to deal with it. it's kind of difficult to explain all of it - but a good example of something we discussed last night was me talking about how my husband and i a few years ago made a really conscious effort to stop buy crap. we had a lot of very intentional conversations over wants vs needs on the stuff we purchased. (goodbye target runs) and now a couple years later, we both automatically question ourselves when we are in that situation now of do i just want this or do i need this. it's happens naturally now and it prevents us from buying a bunch of purposeless stuff. we still indulge in our toy collection - but it's a very deliberate action of deciding that yes today we will go here and buy something. and even then, there are times when i walk out of a place like that and have not bought a thing because my inner dialogue came to a decision that i really didn't need or even want it as much as my first reaction said i did. i want that automatic response to food - do i just want it or does my body need it. patti said - just like it took us deliberate conversation after conversation over time to adjust our consumerism - i will need to do the same with food - deliberate and repeative response - practice makes change happen. we, of course, have been needing these to replace boring old square pillows on the couch - yes it was a necessity and yes we discussed it at length - like two adults would!
tuesday | may 1 | 2007 i don't see a lot of commercials these days - thank you tivo and downloads - but this morning i did catch the new passing of the baton from fat actress kirstie alley over to the once "cute as a button" valerie bertinelli via jenny craig. so i had to see - what the hell did they dress her up like that for? at least kirstie kept up a good front in her steel cage, shiniest taffeta science can manufacture, corset dresses - hiding behind wicker baskets and what have you - over at pier one. but this is just frumpy and down right embarrassing even for a D lister- is she also concurrently running a campaign with wal-marts pepto bismol sponsored mommy wear? fug fug fug. well i wish her luck - even though she basically looks to be about the normal size most of us normal women out here are - but hollywood demands different standards.
tomorrow is patti day - been doing good prepping up to it. shake lattes in mornings so far - yesterday i had some dessert cravings so i went to corner store for rice pudding with a side of reeses peanut butter cups. guess that will have to have been my goodbye meal - no more sugar for awhile. the only thing i am really dreading is the scale - somehow getting cholesterol level blood results back that read like i should have a coronary at any moment don't quite put the fear of the devil in me like getting on that scale does. i know it will be over 200. last time i did the program i started at 213 with the highest reading at home previous to starting at 217. so there's my bar. my goal is 165. my imaginary goal is 140. my high school to college weight was 115-125 that i guess would be the hollywood goal. wednesday | april 25 | 2007 i have an appointment to see patti next wed. and attend group session at 6:00 if i can - hell project part II starts this week and ends thurs or fri next week so i don't know if i will be able to attend the group session yet. so i am now at that pre week state of mind, where i struggle with the eat whatever i want - you won't be eating it again for a very long time or get yourself prepared, do shakes, lean meals mantra. i have thus done both. today i am trying to keep it lean - although i started the day with a latte instead of a shake. dumb reasons pop up like - "i just bought that half gallon of 2% milk and i couldn't dream of wasting a total of $3.49" - so latte it is. i've been looking for new reads as most of the old ones have either stopped writing, are exercise freaks now or prefer too much ponderance over what constitutes the difference between carefree and bubble blue (seriously "carefree" - sounds like the name of a new thirst quenching feminine hygiene product). so i have been trolling and here are a few i'm enjoying thus far: hello i'm fat and body of work (i get confused easily - i think she writes both - tramps all over the place because i believe she also contributes to bfd) a woman of importance - just found today - since she covers binge eating struggles - i thought i would give it a try. drop me a note if there are any good ones out there - i like them with gutsy writing and no fear of dropping an f-bomb from time to time. sweet and homie are not my types.
monday | april 23 | 2007 i've decided to go back and see the nutritionist and do the program i did a couple years ago where i dropped 35lbs. yes because i would like to lose the weight again - between 30-60lbs and because i worry that my inherited high cholesterol will kill me - literally kill me. when i did the program last time, i was successful in getting my levels down to the high side of normal - which was huge. i want to avoid having to take any kind of cholesterol meds because i think they really mess with you and i have proven to myself that this can be reversed by doing the right thing with food and exercise. i can't lie though - the idea of dropping some poundage would be great. i always dread summer with its short sleeve shirts and sundresses. i don't live in a raging heat wave area any more, but summer is still summer and it would be nice to wear a short sleeve t-shirt and not feel like i have two hams hanging from my arms - airing out to be smoked and salted for the hearty winter ahead. being fat just sucks. not feeling like just another normal girl size sucks. i'm tired of catching my reflection in a passing window and seeing what looks like a junior varsity football linebacker. i just feel like a giant mass of flesh and i hate it. i would love to go shopping and be able to pull whatever off the rack and have it fit - instead of the deep dive you have to do to find anything of style that comes in the 14-18 range. yes old navy can rock the large sizes - but old navy is about as generic as you can get for style. living in san francisco and being surrounded by hundreds of amazing clothing boutiques just kills me when all i can buy is yet another scarf or bag. so waiting to hear back from patti (nutritionist) and hopefully get this party started this week. tuesday | feb 20 | 2007 wow that was a really long break. here it is 2007 already. so our year started out in the dump - L's dad passed away from cancer and well all the other things like chronic car issues seem trivial to list after that - let's just say we got all of the years woes over with in january. things are now looking better. i'm back in the gym and damn i feel it. it must be nearly 2 years since i have gone to a gym and i feel it. i just do better with the structure of a gym then the free formness of going for a walk or sit ups at home. when i am at a gym, it just works better. i rejoined back up at the Y and go to a different location in the city. i really like it and they just got all their equipment and facilities updated so that rocks. the elliptical machines have their own tv screen hooked to it - i still listen to my mp3 pod (no it's not an ipod - it's cuter) - but now i have something vapid to look at like MTV. i just need to figure out the best time to go when it's least crowded because i can do that now that i work from home. and did i mention i feel it? cause i do my whole body is aching from like 30 minutes. being old can suck some days. work is going well considering i haven't really hit the pavement trolling for work, but i'm busy now and working for an industry i really like - gaming. i am a total geek dork and i love to get my game on. we have the nintendos wii, game cube, ds lite, ps2 and psp. my fav games are katamari (ps2) and elebits (wii). the wii rocks and it can whip your ass into shape if you let it - especially the super mario smooth moves mini games circuit. wii sports are fun, like bowling and tennis, but more reserved for a get together with friends then obsessively wanting to play.
on saturdays i have returned to the farmers market at the ferry building. i try and go early so i don't have to beat to many yawhoos with a baguette to get through there. market obsession lately is blood oranges - just can't get enough of them. the good market season is just around the corner - right now it's still mainly root veggies and lettuces. bring on the fruit season because store bought fruit taste like styrofoam for the most part. i've been picking up eggs there as well and they certainly taste different - just more flavor. i'm not enough of a foodie to giving long winded commentary but when you live in san francisco it is almost demanded of you to step up your food game. so i will give the thumbs up for folks to go to their local farmers market. in between torture sessions - i hope to update more - chow chow for now
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